Shoot Em Up (2007)

Written and Directed by Michael Davis

This has easily replaced Smokin' Aces as my favorite silly action movie of the year. Still, I love Smokin' Aces, it was a shooting good time, and it had some cool gore for an action movie, but even that can't compare to the feverent ridiculousness and utter insanity that is Shoot Em Up.

The official runtime of Shoot Em Up is 1 hour and 26 minutes, but that time seemed like 20 minutes when the whole thing came to a blasting halt. I believe the reason for that is the entire film is action packed, the parts that slow down for story take up maybe 20 minutes total, and even those are typically 30 second moments in between intense shoot-outs.

The story goes as such: A pregnant woman shuffles down the street behind Smith (Clive Owen) who is sitting at a bus stop in a grimy city. Even the gruff Smith finds this odd, and soon enough he learns the reason; A man with a gun chases after her, to which Smith mutters something along the lines of "Oh great." He quickly jumps up and runs after the two, springing on the man as he has the pregnant woman on the ground, a gun pointed directly at her face. He quickly takes the gun from the man, and starts dispatching all the other gunmen that come in behind the first.

From here, it's basically that over and over. Smith delivers the pregnant woman's baby in between trading shots with the incoming nameless gunmen. He nails each one with amazing accuracy, and if we're to believe what the screen is telling us, these pursuers are not very good shots at all. As Smith is carrying the woman and her baby through the labyrinth building they've landed in, he realizes the woman has been hit by a stray shot in her forhead, dead. He quickly tries to get out of the situation, but his conscience nags at him, he has to go back for the baby.

Upon escaping the numerous men shooting at him, he takes off with the baby, and shows up at a lactating prostitue named Quintana's (Monica Bellucci) room at a brothel. He asks her to take care of the baby, and she refuses. It is made known that Smith has been one of her regular customers. He leaves with the baby in a bag, and soon after he leaves, a man named Hertz (Paul Giamatti) comes to ask her about the man named Smith, and if he had the baby with him. Using his powerful methods of persuasion, Hertz learns that he did come to see Quintana, but she refused his offer to be a paid babysitter. Smith bursts into the room after dispatching Hertz's men, and thinks he has killed Hertz himself. He convinces Quintana to come with him, if she doesn't she'll be in as much danger as he is, and at least he can protect her.

The rest of the film is a cat and mouse game, revealing a conspiracy behind the baby, and even this element bears some resemblance to the plot of Smokin' Aces. Other than that, this film is just crazy, over the top action shoot outs, with a blasting rock soundtrack, consisting of such songs as AC/DC's "If You Want Blood (You've Got It)" and even Smokin' Aces titular theme "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead. Expected? To an extent, but it is the energy and the winking nature of over the top action that makes this film work.

Also, it helps that Clive Owen is such a charasmatic leading man, and Monica Bellucci is the hottest 43 year old woman alive. She really is the new Italian sex goddess, and scenes like the one where Smith and Quintana are having wild sex while Smith is also deftly shooting multiple intruders will either make you cringe at the over the top nature, or smile with uncaring zeal. This is not a film for realists, the baby should have been killed 60 times over, but how can you talk bad about a movie where the main character sets up gun puppets that remind the viewer of Kevin in Home Alone creating a fake party? Then, of course, he dances around pulling strings, but only in this film by doing so he kills villains two by two.

This is a great time waster, something that is extremely fun to watch, that will keep your foot tapping and it doesn't let your mind wander long enough to think "My this is ridiculous". Instead, you're busy rocking out to the soundtrack, watching Smith kill bad guys as quickly as they can pour onto the screen, and laughing at the ridiculously fake, but still highly entertaining ways in which villains are dropped by gunfire. I mean, the final showdown with Hertz leaves Smith with no gun, just a literal handful of bullets. Just watch how he manages to shoot Hertz with them. Highly recommended, especially when you're bored out of your skull.

7.7/10