Deck the Halls (2006)

Written by Matt Corman & Chris Ord and Don Rhymer
Directed by John Whitesell

Well, what can you really expect from the man that directed such classic films as See Spot Run, Big Momma's House 2, and Malibu's Most Wanted? I'll tell you. Mediocrity and humor so broad you can show it to your grandmother and a dog and they'll both give the same reaction. Scratch that, your dog would most likely be bored.

Now, normally I would avoid a pratfall such as Deck the Halls, which seems to be designed to derail people from seeing good films, or at least, to provide a holiday movie you can bring your dog and grandmother to. (Great Grandmother, even)

Basically, this is a tame version of Christmas Vacation, about a man snapping during the holiday season to perform in unexpected ways to make up for his own lack of actual holiday spirit, which he does with great aplomb. Of course to avoid lawsuits, something has to differentiate this from these other Christmas movies, so this is where Danny Devito is brought in. It seems over the past few years lil' Danny has become the go-to guy for tasteless (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) or just plain abject (Screwed) characters. Now, the difference between the projects mentioned and this film is Devito actually seems to care about those, and his type of utterly disgusting and shameless humor works perfectly in those situations. Here, he is the tamed down fun bad guy, in a film where there really is no villain. Anyone who knows anything about story knows that every film must revolve around a conflict, and therefore two different things must interact to create said conflict. Here, the conflict angle is played down to the point where after a certain moment in the film, it is lost completely. Had Devito pulled out one of his sick and twisted characters, this might have actually worked a lot better than it ended up. However, I also realize this is not his choosing, he merely shows up to mug and collect a paycheck from the Production Manager every week or so.

Steve Finch (Matthew Broderick, another example of a good, but at this point in his career, merely paycheck collecting actor) is, as he puts it "the Christmas guy". He explains this to Buddy Hall (Devito) as he names off the Thanksgiving guy, and the 4th of July guy in his small town in Massachusetts. However, Buddy understands, he merely doesn't care, he makes it his perverse goal to steal Finch's thunder, and at the same time achieve his own goal of having his house seen from space on MyEarth (google earth, to put it plainly, which is odd since the satellite images are the same detail within a 100 foot radius, thus making it impossible for Finch's house to be seen, and Hall's to remain unseen, although this is one of many plot points I will gladly ignore for the purpose of this review). So the game is on, each man trying to outdo the other, which is utterly impossible, since Finch is the type of guy that would never even think to sink as low as Buddy does.

Again, this thin plot is beside the point. The sole purpose in creating this movie (and did it really take 3 guys to think of jokes such as Broderick landing in camel shit? If so, my career as a screenwriter is minted in gold) is to make money from the vast expanse of holiday film fans.

Now understand, completely beside my lack of any religious faith, I have a strange affinity for Christmas films. Maybe it's the fact that I grew up watching them (my father was of the same strange ilk) and over the years my disenchantment with the season turned to supplementation of fake excitement through the medium of Christmas movies. Still, my love of any movie Christmas didn't save me from being mostly bored with this movie, and ultimately disappointed in the state of cinema knowing that Christmas movies are no longer allowed to have any edge whatsoever.

Still, considering all of this, this movie is just boring where it doesn't have to be. Most of the jokes fall flat, the warm-hearted ending is easier to spot than an island that you're already on, and the air of predictability in general is so thick you can choke on it. Consider Finch's daughter, Madison (Alia Shawkat) when she meets Buddy Hall's gorgeous, racy blonde daughters. Madison is a mostly sheltered 16 year old at Finch's behest, so what's going to happen to her?

If you can't tell me this next sentence, you are the movie studios' bread and butter, the unassuming moron. Of course the twin blondes are going to influence her to wear make up, dress racily, and gallivant around with boys. Who wouldn't be so influenced? Oh, that's right, anyone that's not a stereotype, which seems to be so few Americans in this day and age. If you can sit through the broad jokes, stolen gags (Finch's uncontrolled ride in a sleigh across town reeks eerily of Clark Griswold's tin sled right through the woods, with only the props and the setting changed), and warm hearted wholesomeness, then I suppose you'd get a kick out of this film. I was still mildly entertained by this film, sad and explanatory as that may be, but in the end, it was wholly unsatisfying, even as a fluffy studio movie shotgunned at the broadest audience possible. The only question left to ask is, who lobotomized John Hughes all those years ago?


4.6/10