The Maiden Heist (2009)

Written by Michael LeSieur
Directed by Peter Hewitt

This is a movie we always had a bunch of copies of at Blockbuster, that no one ever wanted. Based on the cast alone (Walken, Freeman, Harden, Macy) I always wanted to check it out, so I finally got the chance. The film centers on Roger (Christopher Walken), a museum security guard, who is utterly captivated by the beauty of the painting "The Lonely Maiden" and enjoys every day of his 30 year employment staring at it. Until a co-worker informs him that a museum in Denmark made a better offer, the entire installation would soon be replaced with something else. Terrified, Roger begins to hatch a scheme to steal the painting, when he notices Charles (Morgan Freeman) weeping in front of "Girl With Cats", his favorite piece. As they meet, they devise a plan together, needing only a night security guard to complete their plan, when they notice that George (William H. Macy), the night security guard, is obsessed with the Bronze Warrior statue.

With their plan complete, of course the only thing that can happen is things can go horribly wrong at every turn, and since this is a comedy, you know they will. The script is a classic heist caper spoof, but with a certain sensibility more suited to older audiences, but it doesn't stop the cast from being a delight. In the hands of younger actors, it would lose it's coy charm and instead be another bland thriller, but with the comedic sincerity of Freeman, Walken, and Macy the film manages to be warm and frequently hilarious.

Roger's wife Rose (Marcia Gay Harden) manages to complicate every situation with her explosive personality, which Roger constantly exacerbates with calm ignorance to the fact that she will constantly do this. Charles is the worrier, always about to shatter at every turn, but he doesn't, because George, with his misguided chutzpah, is the leader because "Are they communists today in Grenada, Roger?" Great characterizations turn a clever script into a hilarious script, and it's done often here.

Some of the cheesier sequences involve Roger's daydreams about busting up bad guys, and while it shows a bit into his character, they feel out of place in the scheme of the movie. The biggest problem here is inconsistency, in all aspects. The laughs are reserved for the funny scenes, the suspenseful scenes are suspenseful, etc. Marcia Gay Harden has some great bits at the opening, and she seals the ending, but throughout the film she's just a side character, part of Roger's conflict, when she could have easily been a conflict all along.

Still, it's a funny enough film that it will keep you smiling for most of the 90 minutes it runs, and too often that's something you can't say about comedy films, unfortunately. If you're a fan of anyone in the cast, check it out, just know it's a lighthearted film, but it has enough moments that will make you chuckle that you'll be glad you checked it out.

7.9/10 (C+)